The reason why I say 2022 Goals, is because there is too much hype around New Year’s Resolutions. As I said in my post, Third Culture Christmas, I do believe there is a lot of truth to the Russian saying that you spend the New Year just the way you meet it (Как Новый год встретишь, так его и проведешь).
I feel like with COVID-19 disrupting so many things, it’s often harder to hold yourself to goals, so I decided to set goals that I know I can achieve. Although, if I am not sure about a goal, I am okay with putting a question mark beside it. So, here are my goals!
Plan for Getting COVID-19:
I don’t mean to sound negative right off the bat, but because of Omicron, it’s becoming even more necessary to plan for COVID-19. It just recently occurred to me that I don’t have a plan for getting COVID-19. After almost two years, I have not got COVID-19, and neither has anyone in my family. It’s only been some friends of mine who have got it or had family members get it. There is an element of luck to not getting sick, even if you do everything right. I was certain when my Mum got sick that we were going to get COVID-19, and I was amazed we didn’t, even with Mum having a nasogastric tube and Dad flying in to help us!
The best advice I ever got was if you have a health problem, throw everything you possibly can at it until something sticks. It doesn’t matter if it’s something weird, but if it works for you, use it! Lately, I have been doing a massive Google Search on what to do to relieve COVID-19 symptoms, so I just need to compile all that data on it and be ready. And, of course, recovering is not the full story. I need to see if I will get long COVID-19. Anyway, thank you next!
Start Journey to Financial Independence:
I am not going to say what exactly I will be doing to start this. I will say this though, I can’t start with my original business idea because there is a 1.5-year backlog at immigration for permanent residence. The good news is I have an idea to tide me over. I may end up sticking to that idea permanently. Who knows?
Start Writing A Book:
I have been talking with some of my TCK friends about collaborating on a book! Originally, I thought of writing a book about my stories and insights, but I feel like I’m happy with my blog. Watch this space!
Read At Least 50 Pages Per Day:
I was in a funk with reading in 2021. Lately, I have been hanging out at my local library, and I realized how much I have missed reading! Plus, as an entrepreneur, it’s even more important to read. And I love it too, so I’m excited! Now, I have a great set of books lined up. I maxed out my library card!
Speaking of libraries, I revisited this episode of this British show I love. Watch the part before the intro because anyone who has worked at a library will tell you this is true. Glad they made fun of it!
Here’s an overview of what to expect next year. I am going to be catching up on posts I planned to do. I have a backlog. I’m also going to be doing Bloganuary. You can read more about it here: https://wordpress.com/blog/2021/12/16/new-year-new-success-with-bloganuary/ I don’t think I will post every day though. I am going to do a cultural theme to this as well, so if I get a prompt and I’m not inspired by it, I’m not going to do it. I’m thinking at the end of the year, I am going to do Blogmas, but again, do culturally themed posts. We’ll see though. I’m already feeling inspired for posts I can do this year. I am also going to be doing at least THREE guest/collab posts! Looks like it will be a great year for blogging!
One last thing: If you have any questions you want me to answer, or give me any feedback, please do!
Continue What I am Doing for Mental Health:
COVID-19 has helped me a lot in terms of learning more about what I can do for mental health. It was tested to the LIMIT when my Mum got sick! You get more insight into your mental health when times are challenging. There’s no silver bullet, but I am more than willing to do the work I need to do to improve whatever needs to be done. I would say I’m somewhat okay now.
Additionally, I have been doing everything I can possibly do to help my Mum mentally while she recovers. I don’t know what it is about appendicitis that messes with you mentally, but it does. I’m not a mental health professional though, and if my Mum needs more help, I will encourage her to get it!
Continue Calgary Parks Challenge:
After Omicron burns itself out, I intend to continue with my Parks Challenge. I have four parks to write about, that I put off for a while. That’s a good thing to do while waiting for Omicron cases to drop.
So far, I have seen 11 parks, written about 6 parks, and I have 62 parks left to see!
Continue Physical Health Habits:
I’ve been working on my physical health as well. It’s been tough to do so because it’s easy to be a couch potato in lockdown. Even so, I found a solution and I’m happy to continue to improve on them.
I’ll mention a couple of goals that I have question marks with. I really want to learn how to drive in the winter in Canada, but so far, that’s not been possible. Will it happen this year? Hard to say.
Additionally, I have got signs that I am aching to travel. I was jealous of my Dad when he came here because he got to fly and I didn’t. I was like, “I’m the person who meets him at the airport. Meh.” A friend of mine sent me a photo of a mall lately, and I kid you not, I thought it was LAX! I’m really hoping I can travel at least once in 2022.
One thing I am already thinking about is travelling over the Christmas season. I have had a string of tough Christmases since 2017, which was the year I got appendicitis. The only Christmas where I was truly happy was in 2018 when I travelled to Yosemite. I feel it’s time to experience the Christmas season elsewhere. I have already thought of a few local places to visit if COVID-19 is still a problem, but also some international ones, just in case. Here’s my list:
Banff: Want to see what it’s like at Christmas.
Yellowknife: Okay, pretty hardcore climate, but I would like to try it.
Jamaica: Those close to me know why.
Germany: If you have seen how they do Christmas, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Will I go to one of those places, or will I go someplace else? Watch this space!
I wish you all the best for 2022! What are your 2022 goals?
Whew! I have a lot to say on this subject. Dealing with medical emergencies while abroad is one thing in life that I wish came with an instruction manual. I’m coming down from dealing with a medical emergency that happened right before I marked my first year in Canada. For those of you who don’t know what happened, my mother got appendicitis. I mentioned it in my One Year in Canada! post. What I haven’t talked about is that she had a rare complication a week after her appendectomy. Fortunately, she’s home and recovering well. Here’s my story, which I wanted to write while this was still fresh in my mind.
I will do another post or two on tips for current and prospective expats on dealing with emergencies while abroad. I wish I could provide a rulebook, but I hope sharing my stories and personal tips will help. My posts will also include tips for native-born citizens who want to know how best to support migrants when they are dealing with emergencies.
Please note, I am going to be brutally honest here because this subject is not often discussed. If you don’t wish to continue reading from here, I won’t hold it against you. Disclaimer: I will be discussing medical things and mental health problems that some people might find disturbing. That being said, if this post helps someone else through an emergency while they’re abroad, I will have done my job!
Some Relevant Things I want to Mention:
I had appendicitis a few years ago, and I still remember vividly how it presented. It was my first hospitalization experience and I had trauma to work through in counselling afterwards. I learned the hard way that you MUST go to the Emergency Room if you have abdominal pain! If you talk to anyone who has had appendicitis, you will see that they have an intense fear in their face. Appendicitis generally happens when you’re under 30 years old and it’s normally someone’s first hospitalization experience. It sure was with me, anyway. So, I’m not surprised to see people who are part of the Appendix Free Club look scared when they remember their experience.
A month ago, the hospitals in Alberta reached a breaking point with the Delta variant. They were short-staffed and the military and Red Cross were called in to help. Additionally, when Alberta introduced a proof of vaccination program, Covidiots were protesting outside hospitals! Fortunately, that was made illegal, but it wasn’t done out of concern for people on hospital premises. Anyone who wishes to rant about this in the comments, please do! Mum and I decided to be vigilant because we didn’t want to have to go to the ER under those circumstances.
How Things Started:
Canadian Thanksgiving was on October 11. Mum and I had a great day cooking and listening to music from Canadian singers while we worked. It perplexed me though that Mum didn’t feel like eating much. The next morning, Mum thought she had a stomach ulcer, but the things we tried didn’t work. Later that day, I called the nurse at our family practice for a phone assessment. When Mum said the words “abdominal pain” and described certain symptoms, a warning bell went off in my mind. Even though the situation in the hospitals had improved a bit, I felt like I needed to talk to the nurse before taking Mum to the ER for abdominal pain! Under normal circumstances, I would have taken her as soon as she said the words “abdominal pain” HANDS DOWN!
The nurse told me to take Mum to the ER and I asked her which one is best to go to, considering the circumstances. She assured me all the hospitals have super strict triage protocols. We almost felt bad for imposing on an already strained hospital system, even though it was a genuine emergency. When I took Mum to the ER, they told me I couldn’t go in with her because of COVID-19 protocols. I had a hunch Mum had appendicitis though, so I encouraged her to ask to be tested for it. She’s not in the normal age range for it, but it’s not unheard of for older people to get it. I have said many times though that appendicitis is a young person’s disease. This study says the same thing.
I know some older people who have had appendicitis and they have struggled with it or were misdiagnosed at first. That was not happening to my mother!
My hunch was correct! To be clear though, I have no medical background at all. I just have vivid memories of my own appendicitis experience. Plus, I have had a lot of conversations with others about appendicitis. We got the diagnosis late at night and Mum was in surgery the next day. I wanted to visit her, but I couldn’t. They would only allow me in if it was an hour before surgery, but we had no idea when that would happen. By now, my Fuck This Pandemic List was a mile long! I know we all have our lists these days, but I was so livid that I threw something across the room! That never happens. Let it be known that the Covidiots, who find new ways of acting entitled, took away my opportunity to be with my mother when she needed it most!
I was able to bring Mum home the same day she had surgery! Sometimes, things just work! I bought a cake for the ward that took care of Mum to thank them. If I said I was ecstatic, that would have been an understatement! I was proud of Mum for not only going through this but doing it during a pandemic when I couldn’t be there to hold her hand! There was a certain amount of guilt and flashbacks too. I have often said how grateful I am that I didn’t have appendicitis during the pandemic. I don’t know if I would have been able to deal with it. At this point, I was also hoping Mum wouldn’t have any complications because of the hospital situation. I threw myself into taking care of her and decided to deal with any mental health repercussions later.
Things Were Only Beginning
After Mum got home, we discussed whether we wanted my Dad to fly in to help out. Ultimately, we decided we didn’t need him to come unless something else went wrong. At first, things seemed okay, but there were some warning signs. I was confused about what to do sometimes, and Mum kept asking me questions about my own experience. I could tell she needed major reassurance. We called this 24-hour line where you can speak to a nurse, which, in retrospect, we did too early. A week after she came home from the hospital, we had to call our family practice nurse again. Mum mentioned something that set off a warning bell for me. Plus, our doctor calling us back didn’t help.
I spent the night trying to help her with the concerning thing. I knew if it didn’t work, it was back to the ER. The writing was on the wall though, because since she had got home, she had barely eaten and was tolerating liquids at first, but then that stopped. I was considering force-feeding her, if necessary. The dread I felt when Mum went back to the ER was penetrating. Mum tried to reassure me by saying, “Think of me just going to Banff for a weekend.” Or, “I likely will only be in the hospital for a day.” Somehow, I knew that wasn’t true. I felt terribly guilty like I had let her down.
The Next Day:
I was able to visit my Mum the next day for an hour. The nurse said the current diagnosis was a paralytic ileus and Mum had a nasogastric tube to drain her stomach and relax her digestive system. Yes, that is as bad as it sounds. Plus, she couldn’t wear a mask. Surgery was a possible treatment option, but we didn’t know if that was necessary. Mum was super happy to see me! It did us both good to see each other. I asked her if I should tell Dad to fly in to help us, and she said yes. I was already about to tell my Dad we needed him anyway, but I wanted to make sure Mum wanted it too. As soon as I left the hospital, I called my Dad and told him to come as soon as possible.
Later on, Dad said that he would arrive in two days and stay for a week. He had the option of extending it if he needed to. I started counting down the hours until I saw him again! He called me later to tell me he had a problem getting a required travel COVID-19 test before flying though. Apparently, it’s hard to get COVID-19 tests for travel at such short notice. For a minute, we thought Dad would have to change his flight. I contacted my friends in my TCK group and one of them told me that SFO was doing rapid COVID-19 tests that met the requirements for international travel. After grumbling about the fact that SFO charges a premium on their travel tests, Dad decided to go with that. As he said, “They wear you down into paying the costs.”
Then, It Got Serious:
I went to see Mum the next day. She had a CT scan and was awaiting the results. She seemed emotionally better, especially after seeing me the previous day, but I was concerned that physically, there was no change. I hoped the CT scan would give us an answer. She seemed happy when I told her Dad would be coming in less than 30 hours. She knew what I was up against with logistical problems, so she encouraged me to prepare for Dad’s arrival and pick him up at the airport. By the time I left the hospital, I knew I wouldn’t be seeing her the next day. So, I said a variation of Mama Imelda’s line from Coco, “Mum, I give you my blessing to get better, be strong, and never NEVER forget how much your family loves you!”
There were some nice things that happened that day. I called my Dad in the afternoon to update him, and our neighbour was over talking to him about looking after the cat, so I talked to her too. Later on, my aunt surprised me with a phone call! We talked for about half an hour. That made my day! She and Mum email each other frequently, and she got worried when she didn’t hear from Mum for a week.
I was happy for a while, and then Dad called the hospital that night. They found out Mum had a hernia and she was about to have emergency surgery! Then, everything good about the day came crashing down around me.
An Emotional Day and The Worst Night:
That day was a super emotional day. I had been hiding my feelings behind a wall for so long, and then it broke like the Oroville Dam. Before I saw my Mum, I had a chiropractic adjustment and then started crying. One of the receptionists at the chiropractic office gave me a hug. At this point, I was like, “To hell with COVID-19! I NEED a hug!”
That afternoon, I didn’t know how to feel about seeing my Dad again after a year apart. I watched YouTube clips from movies about kids seeing their parents again after such a long time apart. I needed some tearjerkers. The one that REALLY got me going though was a music video from one of my favourite bands. It’s SO TCK!
To those of you who are either experiencing an emergency while abroad or have done so, this music video is for you!
I went to bed knowing my Mum was having a life-saving operation. I had questions floating around my head and I was shivering. Even though I had tried everything in my anxiety toolkit, it got to the point nothing worked. I was alone in a foreign country worried that I would get a call from the hospital in the middle of the night. My sleep was interrupted by panic attacks. At 3:30 in the morning, a few of my friends in my TCK group were having a call and I jumped on. I am not the only one in that group that’s been going through something lately. So, we all just talked and held space for each other. I don’t know what I would do without that group sometimes! Once I hung up, I was able to get some sleep.
When I woke up, I called the hospital. I told my Dad to call me from SFO so I could give him an update on Mum. When the nurse spoke to me in a happy voice and told me Mum was stable and recovering well, I was fighting back tears of joy! She had made it! They were going to take the nasogastric tube out later! YAYY!! I also talked to Mum and she was already sounding better. I told her to sleep and that I would visit her the next day at the hospital, possibly with Dad!
Mum told me to get some treats at our favourite patisserie for the ward and the surgical team that saved her life! I did it without hesitation! You would not know that the hospital staff were under so much pressure with COVID-19! Any time my Mum said that she or I were vaccinated, the response was always, “Thank you!” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! Whenever Mum felt right, she would always have words of gratitude for her healthcare heroes. They truly ARE heroes doing what they do during a global pandemic and being screwed by the institutions they work for and people who deny there is a pandemic! I don’t have the words to say how grateful I am to the heroes that saved my Mum’s life!
I did a dance for joy and suddenly had a burst of energy for the rest of the day! It was quite a coincidence that it happened the same day that my Dad was due to arrive. I happily relayed the news to Dad when he was at SFO and told him I would meet him at YYC! Then I set to work preparing for his arrival.
A Note about Logistical Problems:
Every emergency has logistical problems. I had to plan my day when I called the hospital in the morning. I had some logistical problems with getting to the hospital. When you’re a caregiver, time is of the essence, so I would Uber there. I didn’t even have the bandwidth to check public transport options. Plus, the first time we went to the hospital, we had to go on one of Calgary’s famous trails. The trails are connecting roads in the city, which turn into mini-freeways. I find using public transport to be difficult when trails are involved. Either you get windy routes or infrequent service. That’s not good if you’re a caregiver. Every day, I wondered if Mum going to have surgery, or if I would be bringing her home. If either of those answers was “Yes”, I wouldn’t visit her.
I didn’t know if I was going to get my Dad from the airport until the morning of his arrival. I didn’t know if I would be visiting Mum the same day Dad arrived or have other stuff to do for her on top of preparing for Dad’s arrival. By the time my Dad arrived, I had been in limbo and running on empty for over 10 days, even before Mum went back to the hospital. I didn’t know if I was going to be ready for Dad to arrive either. Fortunately, Dad said that if I didn’t have everything done, he would help me when he got there! The relief!
Ready or Not:
Thank goodness for that burst of energy that I got that morning! I had less than 8 hours to set up our small apartment to fit another person before I had to leave for the airport! Mum and I were planning to do a massive clean of the apartment, but then she got sick. So, I had to improvise, find stuff that I needed in the weirdest places in the house, stress over whether we had too many plastic bags, and move everything to a convenient location.
Meanwhile, I kept checking the time, my text and email messages, and the real-time flight tracker. I kept making sure I had the route to and from the airport planned out. It rained the whole day and I was hoping it would clear up before Dad got here! No such luck. I tried to rest because I had time to do so. Nope. Too excited and wondering what would happen to have Dad here. Finally, it was time to leave.
I took two buses to get to the airport and whenever I was at a certain point in my journey, I would take a guess on where Dad was flying over. That’s one excuse to keep looking at a flight tracker, I guess.
When I got to YYC:
I hadn’t been to the international terminal before. I had arrived at the domestic terminal when I moved to Calgary because of doing a layover in Vancouver. Therefore, I had to take a photo of this beautiful glass sculpture of the Canadian Rockies! It calmed me a bit too. I had a certain amount of nerves about seeing my Dad again. Fortunately, I was texting with my friend Hilary Tan from Sereneluna! I want to give her an extra special shoutout for her unconditional support during this time! At one point, I said, “Fuck COVID! I’m hugging my Dad!” She said, “Do it!” I am so grateful for you continuing to check in on me and being there to text whenever, Hilary!
PSA for international travellers! Even if this might not be applicable to every travel situation, take note! I had told my Dad that I would meet him at the baggage area, but when I got to YYC, they had a COVID-19 testing line and I couldn’t go past it. At the time, I didn’t know what that was for since they don’t even let you on the plane if you don’t have the required tests to enter a country. I kept hoping, “Dad! Please put two and two together here!” Fortunately, he did because I saw him in the line to go past security. I jumped and waved to make sure he saw me! When he saw me, he told me he had been selected randomly for a COVID-19 test. Because of course, he did. I hung around all irritated that I had to wait to greet my Dad properly.
I gave Dad an extra long hug!!! And then on the way home, we didn’t stop talking. We were like the magpies we feed every morning having their little corvid party… Lol. It was getting dark as we left the airport, but I was still able to point out a few things, like Chinatown and the Calgary Tower. Dad insisted on calling it the Space Needle. Oh well, we’ll get there, eventually. It was after 8 pm when we got home. When I called Mum in the hospital, I told her no, even with today’s technology, I didn’t do a three-way voice call using my cell phone and our home phone with Dad. He was really here! Even though it was a long day, I still had to go over living logistics with Dad. We relaxed with the first two episodes of Schitt’s Creek before going to bed.
Mum said later on that she was moved to a private room before surgery. She had tested positive for MRSA. The room overlooked the city and the night Dad arrived, she felt well enough to watch the sunset. She watched the time knowing that Dad was arriving and I was picking him up at the airport. Somehow I knew that Mum was there with us in spirit. That was a tissue moment when we shared that!
Visiting the Hospital… With A Twist
Dad was able to visit Mum with me! They asked him a few more questions at the screening area and he had to show his documentation. I also brought the treats that Mum told me to get. I got a lemon meringue tart, a box of 24 macarons and some little boxes of chocolates at my favourite patisserie! When I dropped them off at the nurses’ station, the looks on their faces were priceless! I also told them to pass some on to the surgical team that saved Mum’s life. I wasn’t allowed to hug Mum because of the MRSA, but I was happy to see her eating and looking MUCH better! There was talk of her being discharged the next day!
Then, I told Mum I had a surprise for her and went to get Dad. We were only allowed on the ward one at a time. I let them catch up for a while. In the last ten minutes, I talked to Mum and she told me why she was in emergency surgery. Apparently, her bowel had got into the area where they had removed the appendix and started twisting. It’s a rare complication that has only happened four times in the history of the hospital! The surgeon that saved Mum’s life said he had only seen it once before.
Dad said he was able to walk around and see the views from the hospital. There was the city on one end and the Canadian Rockies on the other. I knew he couldn’t leave without seeing that! He’s SUCH a Montana boy! When I shared the photos below with my friends, they asked me if the hospital rents out rooms!
Mum’s Finally Home!
I was able to get Mum the next day! I felt like I was about to explode! When I was pushing her in the wheelchair out of the hospital, I calmed down though. As my Dad said once when he was pushing me in a hospital wheelchair, “Let’s try not to break any speed records here!” I added another phrase to use when going into an elevator, “Excuse me, precious cargo here!” I didn’t get to use it this time though.
For the next 5 days, Dad helped me out with whatever major chores I needed help with and tag-teamed with me on caregiving duties. Whenever we had some quiet time, we either watched Schitt’s Creek or slept! We managed to get through all six seasons of Schitt’s Creek before Dad left! I can’t tell you how grateful I was that Dad dropped everything and came to help out! He could only stay a week though because our cat is living with him and she gets separation anxiety if we leave her too long. There are times I wish he could have stayed longer though. We’re still exhausted from this experience, and I estimate that it’s going to be at least a month before my Mum even starts feeling normal again.
We’re getting to the point though that people assume we aren’t struggling anymore. In reality, we still have problems. When you’re going through an emergency, people who normally give you toxic positivity cool it for a bit, but then when the danger ends, it resumes. People ask me if I have any fun plans coming up, and I say not for a month at least and move on. That being said, I am still super grateful for the outpouring of love I have got from family and friends!
I wanted to give a shoutout to my TCK community at TCK Global and my followers here and on Instagram for their support and love! I know I said I am taking a break, but I wanted to write this post and share it with you all.
One important thing I forgot to say is when my Dad was visiting the hospital, he was enjoying the views from an empty room. He told me that someone had defaced a patient whiteboard with comments such as “Lies, lies, lies!” and “Covid is a hoax!” Now that you have read my story, look me in the eye and tell me that! If you had seen our healthcare heroes go out of their way for their patients to give them quality care despite being screwed by Institution X and Covidiots, you would have more respect for them than ever! You would not know they were under so much pressure and risk. I may never meet the people who saved my mother’s life, but my gratitude for them will stay with me forever!
What was even more touching was giving the ward and surgical team treats to say thank you. Mum said that after I did that, the surgeon who saved her life came up to personally thank her! Apparently, the box of macarons went to the surgical team and the ward had the cake. I don’t know who got the chocolates. As Mum says, “It’s not every day when someone saves your life.”
To those of you who are struggling with a medical emergency while living abroad, my heart goes out to you. I hope this post gives you strength and peace.
To all my followers, I want to say thank you for following my journey! It’s been an absolute pleasure to share my experiences with all of you!
Speaking of sharing my experiences, I am still on a hiatus right now. I am dealing with a family emergency. My mother got appendicitis and things are going to be a hot mess for while. So, if I don’t comment on your posts, you know why. To those of you for who I have said I will do guest posts, I will email you soon.
I am going to do a post in the future about dealing with emergencies when you live in another country. Plus, I have some other posts planned. Yes, this emergency means I am on a hiatus from my Calgary Parks Challenge as well.
I will celebrate my one year in Canada later on, but I am still taking a moment to celebrate! To those of you who know about my mother, thank you for all your support!
Hey everyone! After I wrote my post on Enjoying Sports as A TCK, I felt it was important to expand more into the topic of divided loyalties. There are a lot of incorrect ideas floating around, and I wish to set the record straight. There are so many famous quotes about how division is bad, so it’s no surprise that we automatically think that something divided is bad. I’m sharing a quote from Abraham Lincoln. It has merit, but here’s why it shouldn’t be taken at face value.
A Little More About the Olympics and Divided Loyalties:
I have seen athletes compete in the Olympics who are originally from one country and end up on another national team. I respect that there are residency and training requirements for being on a national team. The nicest thing though is that there isn’t a lot of media fervour over whether immigrant athletes are loyal to their new national team. If there is, I just ignore it because it’s just hype. I feel sorry for the athletes that are subjected to that though.
The Tokyo Olympics were unique this year. I saw a lot more athletes who used to live in one country and then moved to another and ended up competing on their national team. I got to admit, some athletes’ backgrounds made me think, “Yep! TCK!” One cool thing too was there was a refugee team. One of my friends said that there might be a TCK team someday, and you know what? I believe it! Honestly, when it comes to sporting events, divided loyalties can be fun! I wish it was more accepted in general, though. Another funny thing I noticed is whenever I saw the sign “Tokyo 2020”, my mind kept thinking, “Did it just say TCK yo?”
On a More Serious Note:
TCKs can be judged harshly by monocultural people because they have divided loyalties. There is a common misconception that having TCKs in the military or government, or even business that they can compromise who they represent. In reality, when TCKs act as representatives of a country, they do an even better job because they know how to practice effective intercultural communication. If they know the cultural norms of a country they have to communicate with, even better. Even if they don’t know the cultural norms, they have ways of finding these things out because they have their own little international network.
Additionally, you become a TCK because of the institution your parents belong to. That can include military, missionary, diplomat, corporate or anything else. I might not have said this before, but I’m an academic brat turned corporate brat. Generally, TCKs are against whatever institution their parents were a part of. If they do follow their parents, it’s not without giving it significant thought. I am very anti-corporate BECAUSE WE GOT SCREWED!! I went to university rather late after giving it significant thought. Nailed it!
When TCKs choose to represent a certain culture, they are committed to doing right by that culture. They have thought through the pros and cons. There are certain institutions that demand complete loyalty, like the military. For me, it’s natural to shy away from institutions that demand complete loyalty. I still respect TCKs who can get their minds around being in an institution that demands complete loyalty.
It’s commonly overlooked that TCKs learned from an early age that they are representatives of whatever country they came from. Some of that representation has been imposed by their parents’ institution, and some of that is simply awareness that when you’re overseas, you’re a representative. Learning how to be a representative on a daily basis doesn’t just go away as you get older.
Whenever I have wanted to apply for a job that has a specific cultural twist, my mother always warned me that I might not get it because I’m multicultural and they might doubt my loyalty. At first, I thought she was creating a prejudice that wasn’t there. As it turned out, she was right. This is yet another reason why I’m starting my own business.
A Real-life Example of TCKs Getting Crap:
Unless you’re in the international scene, you probably don’t know that Barack Obama is a TCK. Yep, look at his bio. Kamala Harris is a TCK too. I remember when Obama was running for President, and even though I didn’t know the term TCK at the time, I said, “Finally! Someone I can relate to!” Then, Donald Trump started the Birther Movement and that was insulting to TCKs around the world. That made me question if I could ever go back to the US again. It’s yet another example of TCKs getting crap for their multicultural experience. I had heard mainstream US media and Americans, in general, were trying to put Obama in boxes which he clearly didn’t fit. You can’t put a TCK in a box.
There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that Obama was NOT a security risk! If anything, I found his abilities to relate to leaders from other countries and to connect to people second to none! He’s an incredible role model for all TCKs.
I saw a similar trend in media when Kamala Harris was announced as Biden’s running mate. Of course, since she wasn’t running for president, it was on a lower level. I don’t particularly like Kamala Harris, but I do feel sorry for her on the crap she gets in the media. It’s like, can we move on already? I do think that Obama and Harris are very different people though, but I think I will save my thoughts on that for another post.
I can hear people saying they could never have a TCK in politics. Meryl Streep’s lines are my responses.
And then, I Found a Surprise:
I moved to Canada and found out many Members of Parliament are either multicultural or have dual nationality. Elizabeth May, former leader of the Green Party used to have US citizenship. Additionally, Andrew Scheer, former leader of the Conservative Party has dual Canadian and US citizenship. So, if he had become Prime Minister *GASPS!! We would have had a PM who had dual nationality!
I bet Canadians were looking at the Birther Movement and laughing because if we did that, we would never report on any news because of so many MPs to cover! When the US was like, “Obama wasn’t born in the US! ARGH!!” and I bet Canadians were like, “We don’t give a flying fuck!” Am I right, my fellow Canuks? To be clear, I don’t know if this was true, but I had to inject a little humour here.
Divided Loyalties are More Common than You Think:
I have met people who have fought during WWII and I love their stories. Here’s my one wish though. I wish that I had met a WWII veteran who was German-American or Japanese-American. American soldiers of German or Japanese heritage had divided loyalties too. The Japanese-American unit became the most decorated unit in the American military. However, the soldiers didn’t normally share with their loved ones that they were decorated. Back then, you didn’t talk about how you felt torn with divided loyalties. You just zipped your lip and did your duty.
Sometimes, divided loyalties can be very painful for TCKs and we don’t like to talk about it either. It’s amazing to meet others who can relate to divided loyalties. I feel the bottom line is no one can tell you how much to love a country and what parts to love. You have to figure it out for yourself, and most importantly, not judge others for not loving the same things you love. There are so many diverse and kinetic elements of culture that you can find what you like. Heck, I know monocultural people who never leave a country to like different things about their country and they get along just fine! Why should it be different for multicultural people?
What do you think about what I said? Let me know in the comments! Until next time.
Hey everyone, didn’t know how to title this theme even though I gave it a lot of thought. It’s really been a mishmash!
Health is A Factor:
A week after I got my COVID-19 shot, I had gum graft surgery. Fortunately, the pain was FAR less than it was the first time I got it and I recovered faster! I have been super happy with the healthcare I have received in Calgary so far, and this was no exception. At least during my recovery, I was able to let my immunity develop after getting the shot without having to worry about going outside.How do I feel now that I got my first shot? Weird. There is a certain mental block I have after getting it. When the pandemic started, I got the attitude, “I’m not f***ing around with that s**t!” and I would overthink following COVID protocols. Now, even though I do still follow them, I don’t worry if I make a mistake. Even the best of us screw up sometimes, but the shot gives me peace of mind that I didn’t have before when I screwed up. Also, I read this New York Times article about languishing. Wow! Nailed it! There are lots of things I want to do, but I guess I have been locked down too long. I’ll get past it though.It doesn’t help that cases have been exploding in Alberta. I was recovering from surgery when new restrictions came in. My reaction was, “Fine with me! I’m home anyway!” I’m glad that vaccine eligibility has been expanded. Still, if you need tips, feel free to read my post about getting my shot!
Thank you to everyone who gave me some travel recommendations last month! Word is that the Calgary Stampede is going to happen. Considering the current COVID-19 situation, it’s like “Oh no!” The plan is to definitely get out of dodge. I know how international events can take over cities. I was in London when the 2012 Olympics happened and there wasn’t a pandemic on top of it. Plus, there might be trouble if there are restrictions on the event because of COVID-19, so I feel it’s best to step away this year.So far, I am in the planning stage of a trip, and I don’t think anything will be finalized for a while. Restrictions keep changing all the time. At least I will be able to travel a bit (safely, of course) and hopefully, be able to see my Dad! Hopefully, next year will mean better times, and I will be able to see what the fuss is about with the Stampede.
More On Cultural Adjustment:
Normally, after the honeymoon period, there is a phase where you don’t like your new home. I found out I was going through that this past month. It’s one of those things I haven’t mentioned before in the past for various reasons, but I am breaking this cycle. There are many misconceptions about this phase, so let me clear some things up.
As a general rule, this phase is really nothing personal against a new country. On the other hand, after this phase, if you STILL don’t like your new home, there is something more going on than meets the eye.
You can tell when you’re going through the phase if your feelings are going to be temporary or permanent.
This phase is completely normal! A country can be absolutely perfect for you and it will still happen!
When you are feeling bad about your new home, it’s not necessarily what people say or do, or things going on in the country. Anything can set this off. Of course, things like the pandemic don’t necessarily help.
You can get it with reverse culture shock too.
A certain amount of homesickness contributes to it.
I know I am going to get past this, and once I do, I am going to love Canada more! I saw the movie, Brooklyn recently. It’s so real about moving to a new country! My Irish side was saying, “I’m not crying! You’re crying!”
Some Other Cool Cultural Things:
Note the featured photo on my post. I find it touching how people are still saying “Welcome to Canada!” to me even after several months. I have also learned more about foods in Canada after watching the Great Canadian Baking Show. Despite my current phase of cultural adjustment, I am still trying to find hidden cultural gems!Funny story, I was with my Mum in Uber once and the driver asked us, “So where are you ladies from?” I don’t know if I have said this before, but TCKs have a weird relationship with that question. We can tend to dread being asked that. The general advice is to have a short version answer, a medium version answer, and a long version answer. What I tend to do is start with my short answer and if I get a good response, expand on my medium or long answer. I vary it depending on how people respond to me.This time, I gave my long response. My long response includes that I moved to Canada because the situation was getting pretty desperate in the USA. The Uber driver was very direct with how he felt about the USA and I took it. I said I completely agreed, but also added, “Having lived in other countries, I do understand those sentiments, and it’s okay with me.” I can’t believe I had never said anything like that before, but then again in England, there was a lot about American culture I didn’t know because of growing up there. Although I had some variation on that phrase, it fell flat.I think now that I have actually seen how American culture is after being away for so long, I can imply that it’s okay to say how you feel about the USA to me. I can also implicitly slide in the warning, “Don’t treat all Americans this way!”
Canadian Country Music In Time for Summer:
I stumbled on the following song and had to look it up!How perfect that summer is coming and found the song. Killed the replay button! I’m starting to learn more about Canadian country music (hey, I’m in Calgary)! Is it different from American country music? That’s a big yes! I am listening to Dean Brody as I write this post. I like his song Canadian Girls as well. One of my biggest hopes is that I will see Dean Brody perform (hopefully at the Calgary Stampede)!
I can’t get enough green things now!! I have waited 7 months for blossoms to appear! Lately, I have gone crazy with the camera photographing flowers, baby bunnies, goslings, and other signs of spring!
Right now, Victoria Day weekend is about to happen, and the weather has turned. It’s now what I call snailing: a mixture of snow, rain, and hail. Only hardcore campers go camping this weekend. This is apparently the last gasp of winter and then June 1st is a whole different story!To my fellow Canadians, have a nice Victoria Day weekend!